I'm feeling so?

I look around me and everyone seems non-lonely

Is there even a word?

We'll for me I'm crying 

I'm falling and crumbling apart

I feel oh so alone in this great big huge world around me

I didn't ask to be put here

If I could ask to have a choice

I would choose

Non-existence 

Yes that word 

Makes a lot more sense

To me

I hate this world 

And everything in it

Including me

And I hate this feeling in the pit

Of my stomach

And in my insides

In every inch of me

I feel like

 I'm going to crash

Pills and more pills

Nothing seems to work

It never goes away

It just seems to get worse

I'm so tired

I'm tired of crying 

Will I ever run out of tears?

I hate this illness 

The illness

I guess that's what they say I have

But it seems to be incurable 

In my case

What must everyone think?

When they see me 

Cry

And 

Cry

And

Cry

How pathetic

Is she?

Really?

When will it end

I want it just to end 

What is normal anyway?

Author: unknown?

 

Lonely house on old Lagrange road

The house I investigated 

    Check out my story at my following blog site...

http://ghostsareallaround.blogspot.com/

country life...

Well I've made the big move from the city to the country And I'm loving it! I feel like a new woman I live amongst the cows and there's wild life around me everywhere I wake up at the crack of dawn not because I want to of course, I have to walk my daughter up the hill which is a pretty good 15 minute hike just to catch her bus for school. But the walk is just gorgeous. We walk along a river along rows of walnut trees and at the end there's a bridge where we look down from where we see hundreds of swallows circling above our heads going underneath the bridge where they have there nests. Its just breathtaking. Along the way on our little walk were greeted sometimes by a little herd of cows and one of the mother cows have just had her baby who watches us pass and hides behind her mother very curious to her strange new neihbors walking by. This morning at the end of our walk near the road where you turn into our driveway there are some mailboxes where we get the mail and we noticed what was inside. A mother bird decided to make her nest in one. We made sure not to desturb her eggs of course.

Bullying is it harmless? Or is it getting out of hand?

   It brought  me to tears today and also anger when my 10 year old daughter walked to my car when I picked her up from school today.

She very depressed and I knew at once something was just not right with her. When  I asked her what was wrong?  she burst out in tears and told me three girls ganged up on her and bullied her and pushed her, yelled at her and so on. Just a week before one of the girls were threatening her that she better give her something that she wanted. I wanted to go to the school but my daughter begged me not to. So I just said to my daughter just to try to ignore them. This "mean girl " thing has been going on for two years at this school. And I really cannot blame this certain school, Because I see this happening at other schools as well as I've been speaking about this issue with other parents in my neiborhood.

 As a woman myself I was once a young girl I also had to go through the same thing in school.

 I don't remember going through it at such a young age as this though. 

I remember it much so in High school when the boys were interested in us girls.

 And it was other girls getting jelouse when  their so- called boyfriend would flirt with me. But you never heard of girls committing suicide over being bullied to death or facebook was around then all this social media you have now. 

But it really breaks my heart when you want your children to get ahead in this world with a good education because without it your pretty much useless!  

This  problem with with the mean girls have been an ongoing thing all year long ... First of all I will tell you a little about my daughter...She is a straight A student she's not like a snob! 

You know the type? "Like your better than everyone else,"? " like your above,"? and  "everyone is like below you"?    and you have no time for stupidity?    She is so the opposite. 

She is like so humble!     She's so caring.     She's very sensitive and shy.    But it worries me when she tells me that she has no friends to play with.  And when I ask why? I tell her go up to them invite yourself don't wait just play with them on the playground. They rudely tell her to go away. Calling her names...

So she pretty much stays to herself and sits somewhere and reads a book. So she's a loner.   Its  a strange thing because there will be times when I will accompany her in the mornings to have breakfast in the school cafeteria and girls will come up to us both and say hi and smile and she'll rudely ignore them. I would scold her and tell my daughter how could you be so rude? I never raised you to be like that! "No wonder you have no friends". A couple of times I've also replied back, to which was sopose to be the kind thing to do. 

Come to find out much later... my daughter then explained to me that those two faced back stabbing "mean girls" were totally different when my back was turned. They were giving her hell day after day... 

Can you believe that they were actually coming up to me all those times giving me hugs and giving me compliments and being so two faced in front of me! Wow not even I at that age could put on an act like that....

Last year was the beginning of it with one particular girl. It started really with her stealing from my daughter

Then my daughter told her teacher  about the issue.

Things went from bad to worse. 

That one girl started threatening my daughter. Scaring her saying she was going to get some girls to gang up on my daughter and beat her up. And she did get a group of girls against my daughter. They started saying things that weren't true and just being just mean.

So It got to the point where I did something that I'm not proud of and I should had never did. 

One day I went to pick up my daughter from school as she was comming out of her classroom I approached the little monster as she was on her little cel phone talking to her mother. I grabed the phone out of her hand and told the mother on the other end what was going on...

Was not a good move on my part...  well next thing she hangs up on me. 

I then had some not so nice words with the little monster. 

I demanded that she leave my daughter alone and that if she wanted to fight my daughter that my daughter would fight her one on one off school grounds without all her gang in front of me. And then that would settle things once and for all. 

But really that was all smoke and mirrors on my behalf I was just trying to scare her. Give a taste of her own medicine. I don't believe in fighting. Fighting is for animals. And for boxers in the ring, for a sport. 

Well by the time We got to the front of the school she & her big brother were there. 

I think maybe he was about 20 years old not at all intimidating to me. I'm pretty tough when I want to be . He had some choice words for me. I would think so! Then the mother walks up,I didn't know she was just up the street. 

She started yelling, I yelled back. Then the principle shows up then all the action stops. Of course I was the Bad Guy and yes what I did was wrong but a mothers anger gets the worst of you... 

One thing good happened though, that little monster left my daughter alone after that. 

But there's always more where that came from....

So here we are again ...

yesterday my daughter came to the car in tears explaining about the three girls ganging up on her so I go get out of the car very upset two of the girls I then see at the gated  fence I asked them about the incident one of them is in denial and acting all miss innocent and the other starts bad mouthing me all I saw was red  I lost control of the situation and I raised my voice and said your pretty brave all of you in your little gang how would you like it if it were the other way around? And I was so mad I really couldn't believe how disrespectful that little girl was behind that fence speaking to me and then I thought for a moment what kind of hell is my daughter really going through on a daily basis with little monsters like these? And what kind of parents are raising these kids to speak to adults and treat others like this? What is our future children growing up to become? Pretty scary if you ask me.... 

So I then walked to the office to speak to the principle. I explained pretty much everything. Maybe I left out a couple of parts of me getting mad.

 So he told me that he would take care of the matter. 

So the next day we get a phone call about 11:00 my husband happens to be home because this particular morning he needed to accompany me to an appointment. 

We just got home it was on the answering machine.

 It was Our daughter her voice sounded very depressed. She said she felt ill and she wanted to come home. 

* note * 

 Just to let you know my husband knows nothing about anything about this bullying situation that's been going on, because if he knew he wouldn't handle it very well. 

So at this point I knew I needed to inform him what was going on.

The reason for the phone call I thought was because maybe my daughter felt she just couldn't take it any more and just wanted to come home. She never misses school she almost has perfect attendance even though she only mentions to me "mom I don't hate school, I just hate the people at the school! " she loves to learn. My dear little girl...

When we talk to the principle we find out he never got a chance to even speak to the girls yet, but one of the mothers did call and made a complaint that I approached her daughter and had some choice words with her. Principle advised me not a good idea... 

 And to find out that my daughter was really ill. My husband also told the principle that my daughter would not be back to school until this matter is resolved. 

It is 7:00 p.m. And my daughter feels fine now she did have a bad headache and she felt very sickly and very depressed. She worries about falling behind her studies., she wonders if her principle will call home tomorrow? We shall see...

She has been seeing a counselor for the past year for an accident that happened to her I'm really thinking about getting her treated for depression. She has quite a bit of social anxiety issues and lotts of headaches. It's so sad when a young girl cannot enjoy youth like a normal girl.

Here is a story that I thought my blog fans might like to read...

(My husband knows the father of this young boy) and I feel it is appropriate to what is at hand here and if you are a parent or not we as a people really need to take a stand and open our eyes and try to figure out something to solve this major issue that's hurting our young people because they are our future and our loved ones. Who else do they have? If not us? 

Should 11-year-old Brenton Peraita make death threats — and suggest he wishes he had a gun — to deal with the bullies tormenting him at Riverbend Elementary in Yuba City, California? Of course not, and while calling in the police may have been a slight overreaction, I also don’t think it’s a terrible policy to take every precaution possible when it comes to students threatening bodily harm. But once we figure out Brenton’s punishment (he’s been arrested and charged with making criminal threats), how about we deal with the bigger picture? Like the one where Brenton endures bullying whenever he’s at school, subjected to name calling (“Brentina,” “homo,” “fag”), having his glasses broken, and the usual threats that gay-perceived students face. Because Jose Peraita, his father, says they’ve complained to the school fifty times about the harassment, and nothing has been done. “His reward for standing up for himself and saying, ‘I’m no longer going to be the victim,’ was a ride to the police department and a mug shot,” says Jose to Fox 40. No, that’s not true: Brenton was arrested because he talked about using a gun to silence his bullies, and that’s simply unacceptable. (Three other students involved in the incident were issued citations.) But Jose and Brenton, who was also suspended, are right that more needs to be done to keep this boy safe in school. So what’s the school’s response? Here’s Bruce Morton, the school’s director of attendance and student welfare: “We understand that it does happen, and we’re not going to say it doesn’t. Let’s be realistic. But I will tell you when I heard ‘a year and a half,’ and there were ’50 times,’ I can tell you that number is way out of whack.” Might Jose — who says his family doesn’t “have a gun,” as if that changes anything — be over-exaggerating in his claims of reporting bullying? Sure. But just one report should be enough to raise some serious red flags, where administrators realize they potentially have a dire situation on their hands. Brenton did something wrong, yes. The people responsible for keeping him safe, however, appear to have wholly failed him. [via] Full story here: http://www.queerty.com/the-11-year-old-bullying-victim-arrested-for-threatening-to-shoot-his-tormenters-20110309/#ixzz2tA2fPVEm

Follow my blog with Bloglovin wintertime fun!

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Wintertime fun!


I decided to go and take my daughter to the local ice skating rink.
Of course my daughter and myself  never ice skated before., But as they say, if you've roller skated or roller bladed you should be alright.
Well I decided to pass on it since I had a bit of a busy weekend I was a bit burned out but my daughter gave it a go. She really turned out to be a pro.
The rink was a bit crowded and the night was really cold! I think I felt it a bit more considering that night I came down with a bad head cold., to which  I felt worse the next day...
We still had fun that night we filled ourselves up with hot cocoa and I warmed my self up as much as I possibly could around the fire pits and heating lamps....with all the Christmas music playing and all the wintertime surroundings makes you glad wintertime is in the air...

To love & be loved

She wanted love

But got pushed away

Wanted to be noticed

The wrong way

Wanted to love 

But that was the only way

To be loved or so she thought

Didn't care 

Just wanted love

But could not find it

Got lost

Then found it

Didn't know

What to do with it...

What is morality?

Or tranquility?

Happiness is it just a dream?

It's not reality

Happiness

Contentment

Security

So hard to wish for? 

To love & be loved

Poem created and written by violet Hayward

Ooh fall is in the air... And I'm in the mood for some ouija conjuring....

I had to share an article from one of my favorite newsletter email subscriptions called Recollections. I so adore their turn of the century clothing. But what really surprised me was I didn't know that they also had a blog. And of course being Halloween around the corner I wanted to share this little article about the victorian era and a little ouija divination. 

Halloween Pastimes

Just to help get us in the proper frame of mind, we have posted a brief article about the Ouija board on Recollections Blog. Victorians were fascinated with the idea of communicating with those who had already passed on. Even though “divination” was declared a sin by the church, this board game was extremely popular along with séances and other attempts to reach deceased loved ones.

Did you Know?

 

At Halloween time Victorians would have parlour games that were supposed to foretell the future. Two that could be played using apples were the “Apple Grab” and “Tossing the Apple Peel.

For the first game, the names of all the boys and girls at the party were etched onto apples. Apples with the boys’ names went into one barrel, and all the girls’ names into another. The children take turns “grabbing” an apple from the barrel of the opposite sex using anything BUT their hands. The apple they grabbed will name their future love.

For Tossing the Apple Peel, Girls would peel an apple, making sure the peel is kept intact in one long winding strip. She would then toss the peel over her shoulder, and let it fall to the ground. The peel will fall into a shape that represents the initial of the first name of her true love.

The Ouija board (a very Victorian pastime)

by RECOLLECTIONS on SEPTEMBER 17, 2013 ·

 

Those Victorians, who from today’s point of view seemed to have a decidedly morbid bent, were fascinated by the idea of being able to communicate with departed loved ones. Though it was first brought to the market in 1890, the parlour game known as the Ouija board had been around for many years before that time. Victorians were exposed to death far more often than we are today, and the Ouija board gained immense popularity.

Between the 1840’s and 1920’s, there was a great interest in spiritualism and divination. At the same time the mainstream church declared divination a sin, which only served to drive the practice into private homes and small gatherings. Before 1890 people made their own devises similar to Ouija boards whereby a spirit might answer simple questions. Taking advantage of this “new craze” in May of 1890, three men filed a patent for the then well-known “planchette” and “talking board”.

The enduring fascination with this game is still evident today. What group of giggling little girls have not asked questions of this mysterious board during a sleepover? As ever, there are those who claim that this type of experimentation is a sin, while others see it as a harmless pastime for a long Halloween evening.